The Great Escape

Well, I left my "home." Yesterday my husband had taken my computer and cell phone away from me. I sat around all day wondering what I was doing. I felt like I was in prison. My son was already in Libby, where my mom and in-laws live. He was with my mother-in-law at the time. I felt so much like a caged animal I just started driving, and while I was driving, I realized I could be driving away from the nightmare. Away from my prison. I turned around and went back to the house to start packing a few things I needed to escape to my mom's house.

My husband came home from work for a few minutes and found out what I was doing. He gave me my computer and phone back in an attempt to get me to stay. He insisted that if I left, I would never see my son again. He insisted that my parents said I wasn't a good mother and they had already called child protective services about me. He promised that my parents were against me and he was the only one I could trust. He had been playing this head game with me for awhile.

Finally it was clear to me. I had no idea at that point who to trust, but I knew I couldn't stay. I had to take a leap of faith. I had to block everyone else out and listen to me. Something I have not done in a long time. I packed my things and got in my car to leave. I still wasn't sure where I was even going to go, but I was ready. I wasn't staying no matter what.

I got in my car to leave, and realized he had stolen and hidden my car keys. I called him and he knew he had to tell me where they were, so he did. He had hidden them in our barbecue grill. I got in the car and drove. I talked to my mom and stepdad and realized they were on my side. They were so happy and proud that I finally found the strength to leave. So I drove to their house. On the way I thought of a million things I forgot, but I'll deal with that later. I was driving myself toward freedom.

Today was stressful in the morning. I needed to regain possession of my son, and my mother-in-law was hesitant to give him back. He is the most important thing to me through all of this. I can't lose my son. Finally she gave him up, but we still don't have his overnight stuff from her. We will have to somehow get it from her today.

 But now I am finally the one calling the shots, making the decisions for my life. I have a rental house ready down the road from here, but I'm not sure when or how I will get my furniture and things over here. It doesn't matter for now. I am away from the deranged man who said he loved me, but held me prisoner in my own home. You would never understand the nightmare I just lived through.

It's far from over. He will be served with a restraining order within the next few days that should not only protect me, but our son as well for 20 days. Now I'm not all for keeping a father away from his son. In fact it makes me sad, but it's something I have to do for now so he can't use our son against me anymore. He will use anything he can against me at this point and I cannot trust him.

It isn't easy. I'm nervous and stressed out. Everything comfortable and familiar in my life is gone. I have a million questions about how things will go from here, but I'll figure it out. One step at a time, and I have gotten through the hardest step. Leaving the nightmare behind. That is all that matters at this point. I am free. And that in itself feels good.

I am finally free.