Today was extremely hard for me. I'm still nervous and shaking, and telling myself I'm doing the right thing for me and my boy. The easy part of my life is over. Next comes the hard part, and I'm hoping after that will come the happy part.
Today I took my boy to school, then met with my lawyer. Things are about to happen real quick now and I have to know that I'm strong enough to handle it. I filed for a restraining order today. It will go before the judge tomorrow, and if granted (which it should be) it will be served to my husband within 48 hours. Next week, divorce papers will also be served. I will be ambushing him which I feel so bad about, but I did try first just to tell him that I wanted a divorce and was going to leave. I've told him a few different times but he will not let me leave. There is no way he will let me leave amicably. After the restraining order is served he will have a short amount of time to gather what he needs and not return to this house, or anywhere near me for 20 days. He will be ordered not to contact me in any way either.
I will be moving my stuff to my house 2 hours away in these 20 days. I have no idea what my husband will be doing. It is extremely difficult to be so cold-hearted. That is why I've stayed as long as I have. I have stayed for him. Now I want my turn to be happy. I deserve it. As much as he doesn't deserve to be destroyed this way, I don't deserve to be held captive in an abusive relationship either. There will be times very soon where I am going to feel like the worst person in the entire world, and the truth is that there is a chance he will kill himself. I can't stop him from that happening. It would be a decision he would make, and would not be my fault. I just have to remember that.
I know this is just the beginning of a battle that will pretty much destroy me emotionally and financially. I will have to stay strong and look toward the future and know I am doing what I need to do no matter how unpleasant. I hope I can come out the other side stronger and happier. I need to. If not for myself, then for my son.
I HAVE to do it? But can I?
Wish me strength.
About Me
- Jenny
- Flathead Lake, Montana, United States
- This wasn't supposed to be my life. Or maybe it was. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't. Confessions and general rantings of an ex-party girl.
Hey you. Be strong. We are here, whoever we are:). Let me say something that might help. Something to keep in the back of your head.
ReplyDeleteRemember that he is a manipulator. Those are your own words. Remember that. Remember that manipulators are liars. So remember when he is threatening to take is own life then he is most likely full of shit and has no intentions to hurt himself.
His intentions are to lure you back into that place where he controls everything.
I know its tough to be cold, but remember emotional exterior of his lies a cold hearted bastard that wants nothing but to control your life.
You deserve happiness! Go get it!